The Kingdom of Philtopia

Every fast food joint these days has some burger they are calling a steak burger and I must say, that’s bull shit. At the very best they have a higher grade hamburger and not a steak burger as they claim.

Here is what a hamburger is:

• They take the extra parts of a cow and grind it up and put it a package
• Someone else or some machine forms it into patty shape
• Some punk kid cooks it up
• you eat it

Here is what a “Steak” burger is:

• They take a specific part of a cow, but probably a shitty cow that wasn’t good enough for your BBQ and grind that part up and put it in a package
• Someone else or some machine form it into patty shape but a slightly bigger one cause it’s apparently a fuckin steak!
• Some punk kid cooks it up for you and another one charges you $3 extra cause it’s apparently fuckin steak!
• You eat it cause you have to now.

So, one step gets slightly modified but really it is still a hamburger to me just one that costs to damn much!

If I ordered a steak burger I’d expect someone to ask me how I’d like it done and then I would expect a piece of an NY strip between two buns not an over priced hamburger.

Here is what is great about steak:

• They’re huge!
• They’re juicy!
• They can bleed a bit when you eat it and not kill you!
• They usually come with great things like corn or beer!
• The dog can chew on the remains so it is a multi purpose purchase!

Here are the shitty things about a steak burger:

• Eat one that’s pink or slightly bloody, I dare you and then talk to me in a week and let me know how you feel.
• Cooked to health standards they’re shit and dry
• Being thicker than regular burgers just magnifies the dryness
• They usually come with “fries” and “Ice water cola”
• They are cooked by some punk kid that hates you
• They cost about half as much as a steak but in reality it would be way more enjoyable to pony up the extra 5 bucks and eat a real steak!

Steak season is upon us people so don’t waste your time on these wannabe steak burgers and fire up the grill.